Super Cricket Match report 5

To the Inner Sanctum,

Sadly, there were only two winners from the match against a very strong North Albury outfit last Sunday and neither of them were us. The first winners were obviously North Albury and the second was Telstra, as they had a windfall as Jack desperately rang around the almost 30 elite players on our list in a frantic attempt to get enough players to field a team after a spate of last minute withdrawals.

It was tough going for Jack and unfortunately we ended up with only seven starters including Jack on one leg when we took to the field, (Jack told us he had broken his toe whilst batting in the thirds the day before on his way to a sparkling 80, but apparently what really happened was that when our spiritual leader and match-winner Dallas rang to declare himself unavailable, Jack was so traumatized that he dropped both his stubbie and his mobile phone on his toe!!)

Anthony Duck answered the distress call and arrived about an hour after the game started (replaced Jack), Hilly was also only able to arrive late and attend for about an hour and a half before heading off to other commitments. Fortunately we got some fielding assistance from Brett Paige, young Ashley Chalmers-Borella and Mitch O’Brien.

The team was - Gerard, RPC, Frank, Chuck, Drummo, AD & Jack, Henno, & Hilly.

Absent (among others) –

• Nicho – Still having all of his hearing, seeing, and pacemaker equipment being refitted after the nasty blow he received last game and is in therapy trying to get rid of that nervous twitch he now has since it happened.
• Farook – Holding out for more money and wanting us to realise how much we need our wicket-keeper and opening batsman. – Point now taken Jeff!!
• Ducky – “38 degree cricket is now to be avoided at all costs for club legends”
• Starry - “Cricket is now to be avoided at all costs”
• The Kotzurnator^TM – Finally got his much anticipated call-up to the injury riddled and form depleted Australian team and was booked to fly to NZ on Saturday to play in the final match on Sunday. Sadly, it all went pear-shaped for Dallas as he was running late and missed his flight (surprise, surprise), so he sheepishly took it upon himself to re-book another flight over there and somehow duly ended up in Saudi Arabia!! To top it all off for him he found that he was unable to have either a drink or a bet in that country to settle his nerves after such a traumatic day that promised so much , but actually produced so little!!!
• Wighto - now on a hunger strike in protest at his failure to get the ICC to amend the LBW rule which would exempt him from ever being given out that way again!!
• Ron Pearce - After his sterling efforts in the last game where he starred for us in 38 degree heat with out a hat for the entire day – he was on Sunday a victim of Gerard’s new “no hat – no play!!” rule.
• WMD, Greg Lawrence, Jack Chubb – declared themselves unavailable because at the time they all thought Dallas would be playing and decided it would be a waste of time for them to play as Dallas usually takes all of the wickets, catches and runs and no one else gets a look in!!

To the game –

We lost the toss and had to bowl which as you can imagine was our least preferred option as 7 men don’t seem to cover all of the gaps as well as 11 do!!

Unfortunately, with AD expected to arrive about an hour late and with no other options available, it was decided that the author should “”backstop” (it would be most inappropriate to use the term “wicket keep” in this situation). It could have been much worse - Of the 30 elite players Jack has on our team list, sadly the author is currently ranked No 48 in the keeping ranking which probably best sums up my ability (or lack there of), which is only 3 places behind Henno (no 45) but is still some 65 places higher than Nicho (No 113)!!!

The only player lower than Nicho is Chuck, who is ranked at a staggering No 798!!!!!!!!

The game was only a couple of overs old when there was suddenly a steady stream of cars pulling up beside the ground and a large group of well-dressed people were gathering at the boundary. We all just assumed they had most likely turned up in the hope of seeing the Kotzurnator^TM in full flight given his recent exploits. Chuck was fielding on the fence near them and told them that Dallas wasn’t playing as he was away on national duty, and that they were welcome to stay or come back and watch him next week. Unfortunately, they said that they had never heard of Dallas and had no interest in cricket whatsoever !!– it transpired that the sound of the ball going into the keepers gloves made such a noise that they thought it was church bells ringing and they were just trying to find where the church was so they could attend!!!!

Against all odds we all battled admirably in the heat and restricted the very strong and powerful North Albury batting line-up to 150 which was a reasonable total but could have been much worse given the circumstances. Wickets were fairly evenly distributed and everyone bowled pretty well.

Special mention must be made of Henno who bowled probably his best and most consistent spell to date when given the ball as first change.

The batting was always going to be tough going and we made it to 120 thanks mainly to a very good and classy 30 odd from AD who was in great touch which made the rest of us look bad when it was our turn. Everyone else chipped in with a few but we could only bat 7 batsmen which meant our tail started at No 2 instead of the usual No 5!! (no disrespect to anyone).

So we now head into the last game against New City which has now become a must-win if we are to qualify for the final and a chance to defend our crown which will be played the day after our 50 year reunion ball - Hmmmmm - Maybe the New City game will be better as a “must not” win!!

Rumour has it that the Kotzurnator^TM always goes to bed with the light on – Not because he is scared of the dark – the dark is scared of him!!!

"Ripley"

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